My last entry “Resolutions” was meant to be posted in January [2025] but only got out in June, so this actually includes a little update.
In that post I talked about how I started the new year wanting to introduce very basic, simple goals for myself and how I did well enough during the first few weeks. The last sentence of that entry was “we will see what next week will bring…”, and well… that, we saw.
The first half of 2025 was as crazy as ever and no, I was not able to keep up with my “resolutions”. I wore leggings most days (I’m wearing them as I type), and I haven't opened my Pilates app since February 21st (ouch!). The 2nd half of 2025? Also chaotic, but for different reasons than the first part.
The twins turn 5 in September. I've found their fours highly demanding in ALL areas. Not that younger stages weren’t demanding, but for me, I found the first couple of years more physically demanding: to put it simply, they’re more dependent on you to move and you might even get a bit of a break when they're strapped in the buggy every now and then.
The 3 to 4 period was crazy and busy in all possible ways, and for some delusional reason I thought that hitting the “4 year old” mark would bring some sort of stability, so I was full-on smacked on the face. That was on me, really, being a teacher I have been around kids for my whole working life, but I suppose my exhaustion as we were approaching the big 4 tricked my mind into thinking it was going to get easier somehow. But that’s a big part of motherhood, isn’t it? You feel, or think that things are getting easier in one area, and then, somehow, things actually get more difficult in ALL areas. So, (not so) surprisingly, their 4s were extremely demanding both physically and mentally.
They are very energetic, so they always want to be doing something. This is great, as you want your kids to be healthy, active and curious, but it comes with a price. They also talk a lot - they were early talkers and speak two languages, plus they are used to having each other to chat and play with all day so there’s never a second of silence in our family. As expected, that comes with A LOT of questions: Can I have a snack? Where are we going? Can you put a song on? Where’s my (insert here any item that they own)? Can I have a glass of milk? Can you put this costume on? Can you fix this? When’s papa going to be home? Can we watch TV? Why is that girl sad? What’s that boy’s name? What’s that called? How do you say horse in Spanish? What’s this for? How does concrete work? (WHAT?)… and that might easily be the first half an hour of the day. It also really humbles me to realise how, as an adult, there are so many things I just don’t know. This very morning, the first thing my girl said to me when she climbed into our bed, (and I’m not making it up to be funny) was “Mami, what are we made of?”. It was 6.22am.
This is one of the things they definitely should put in the pregnancy books, you should be warned about how unexpectedly overstimulating it is to be asked so many questions on a daily basis. The last time we visited my family in Spain, one of my uncles (who had spent a few hours with us) said to me, “Don’t you just want complete silence and nobody talking to you at the end of the day?”. And he had a point. Up until this summer I also owned and managed two childcare settings, so having a large number of staff and families who I worked with on a daily basis, the list of questions I was asked a day was not limited to the twins. Most days, all I want at the end of the day, is pure silence.
Last year my parents applied for a career break and moved to Cork for 6 months to be close to us. Needless to say, their number 1 goal was to make our life easier and help in any way they could. So when my mum asked me how and what could she help with, my first answer was, “Whatever you do, please don’t ask me any questions.” My mum, as the amazing woman she is, took that very seriously, observed what needed to be done and did it, and when she wanted to ask me something she would build up the few questions together and wait until it was a good time so she could ask them all at once. This might sound so silly, but I will never forget that, I felt so heard, and I appreciated so much that she was doing it because it was the only thing I actually asked for.
This also reinforced something I have learned since becoming a mum: the quality of help is measured by the person receiving it, and the amount of help is defined by the person offering to help. When the twins were babies, some friends and family would say “If you need anything, let me know”, and while I appreciated it and I knew they meant well, the way that the offer was presented felt very broad. As someone who is already not used to ask for help, I never knew what I could actually ask for. Since then, whenever I offer to help someone, especially another mum, I am very conscious of my own limitations and what I can/cannot help with, and based on that I make a simple, real offer. For example, I can say “If you need anything from the shop or the pharmacy dropped in, I can do that for you”, or “I can come in and help in your house during these times while the twins are in school”. This way the person knows exactly what I can actually help with, and that I mean it. I think being specific when offering help removes the mental burden of figuring out what the other person can ask for, which is a real gift in itself. It makes things easier for them because they don’t have to overthink, they can simply say yes or no to your offer. For example, if someone texts, “I’m going to the shop today, can I bring you something back?” or “I can come by at X time if you want to rest or run errands,” it feels much easier to accept. In my experience, this kind of specific, practical offer of support genuinely makes a difference.
There’s no doubt help and support are always needed, it is so difficult to do it all and do it well and not forget about yourself in the process. Maybe not just difficult, just impossible. Mums are capable of doing so many things at once but when it comes to themselves, they’ll easily forget to add their own needs to the daily tasks. Going back to my “resolutions”, I will definitely need to repeat the same ones for 2026 and give myself another go at reminding that taking care of me should also be a priority on the never-ending to-do list.
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